After Rudy was done speaking, he was standing there signing autographs on Jake’s Hole T-shirts and ball caps for the adoring crowd, when this good-looking, long-legged, blonde gal in a pair of white Daisy Duke shorts came right up to him and slapped herself on the hindquarters and said “Cowboy up Rudy J! Cowboy up!”
            Well, she was a sight to behold indeed. Other than the short shorts, she wore a little red-white-and-blue vest with silver rhinestone stars and a pair of cute white buckskin cowboy boots with golden tassels and small shiny spurs that jingled when she walked. And just like that she came up and grabbed Rudy by his hand while he was still drinking her in, and said, “you’re just my type of man Rudy J, now cowboy up!” Before he knew what was happening she’d dragged him out of there, Rudy dragging Mr. Grizzly along behind him. She had a little white jeep decorated all over with patriotic flags and stickers and ribbons and streamers, that she’d parked right in front of Patriot Storm, and when Rudy saw it he said he thought it was the prettiest thing he’d ever seen.
            “What do you call her?” he asked.
            “Freedom Chaser!” she sang out and then she did a little dance around it.
            Meanwhile Rudy tried to stuff Mr. Grizzly in the back of the Bummer but he wouldn’t fit—plus his wild looks terrified Pinky and Skidmore—so he found some rope and lashed the great bear’s stuffed carcass to the rack on top.
            “C’mon, Rudy J!” the girl called impatiently from her jeep, “let’s get ’er done! I want to show you how to cowboy up and I can’t wait much longer!”
            “I’m coming!” Rudy cried eagerly and jumping into Patriot Storm he brought her to life with a mighty roar. He followed the girl’s jeep in hot pursuit, speeding out into the country, past a bunch of little ranch and farm towns, until finally she turned onto a gravel road and then pulled up to a barn on top of a small hill. The sun had just set and a full moon was peeking over a ridge to the east. She came up to Rudy when he got out of the Bummer and with a toss of her hair she took his hand and led him inside and up the stairs to the loft. There was a big old bed up there and the whole place was filled with the good, clean smell of fresh hay. She turned on a little lamp set on the floor and then turned to Rudy.
            “So,” Rudy said a little timidly. “I’m a—I’m Rudy J. Swingle, what’s your name?”
            “I already know your name, silly,” she answered, looking up at him and smiling. “And my name’s Liberty.”
            “Liberty! Really? That’s so—so free sounding and—and so beautiful! Your parents must be real patriots to have given you such a great American name.”
            “Oh, let’s not talk about them right now, OK Rudy?” she said zipping down the front of Rudy’s Dinkyworld jumpsuit.
            “Sure, um, alright—so Liberty, you said you had something you wanted to show me?”
            In answer to Rudy’s question, she stepped back, unbuttoned her little vest, spread her arms out to him, and—well let’s just say Rudy didn’t get out of the barn till the next day. She called it cowboy-upping, and though Rudy’d never cowboy-upped in a hayloft before, he got the hang of it pretty quick. In fact, they shook the rafters of the barn cowboy-upping so enthusiastically that night they flushed out a whole zoo of bats, cats, barn owls, and mice.
           After that, Rudy hung around the town a few more days enjoying Liberty’s company and the special way she pursued her happiness. She was beautiful and vivacious and had a tattoo on the small of her back of the Statue of Liberty with fireworks bursting all around it that Rudy found particularly inspiring during cowboy-up time. He also got to know the nearby town pretty well because Liberty’s adventurous spirit led them cowboy-upping just about everywhere around there. They cowboy-upped in the middle of the high school football field and they cowboy-upped in the dugouts of the American Legion baseball field; they cowboy-upped in the park by the river, on the roof of the building that housed both the Post Office and the Mustang County Historical Society, and on the table in the conference room of the Chamber of Commerce; they cowboy-upped in an empty grain elevator, in the dressing room of the department store, on the pool table of Slick Willie’s Tavern after closing, and in Liberty’s jeep at the defunct Rodeo-In-The-Sky Drive-In Movie Theater. Liberty’s favorite spot for cowboy-upping though was right beneath the flagpole on the courthouse square, for the courthouse employees always forgot to take the flag down at night and she liked to just cowboy-up right there on the grass lawn with Old Glory waving over them, the steel cable clanking softly against the metal pole in the breeze.


Preview 6/Chapter 26: Sweet Liberty

More stellar reviews for Rudy Cant Fail by W. Dipper:

“One novel you must not miss! A tremendous work from every point of view—thrilling, exciting, LUSTY, vivid, stupendous!” — Chicago Herald Tribune

“The BOOK OF THE YEAR! Tremendous, enchanting, VIRILE, and INTOXICATING!” — Los Angeles Express

“MAGNÍFICO! Rudy es un superhéroe verdadero americano! Leer este libro ahora y se RÍEN de su culo!”
Expreso Madrid

“With an UNABASHED enthusiasm for his subject, Dipper writes almost conversationally of Rudy’s attributes and of his GRAND adventure, offering a comprehensive and ENTERTAINING history of this magical time!”
Science News

“Cowboy Capitalism at it’s bronco-busting BEST!” — Dodge City Dispatch

Rudy Can't Fail is at once haunting, thought-provoking, emotional, and compellingly READABLE!
Liberty Bell News

“The real story of how Rudy went ROGUE! I'm tellin' ya, Rudy J. Swingle is one MASTER maverick who knows how to get going down the road when the going gets rough down there and it's a heck of a GOOD THING for America that he did when he did you know!— Sara Palin, Clean Book Club Committee

The perfect GIFT for anyone who can still laugh out loud about SEX, the economy, and what it means to be an American! — Carl Feinburg, Breeder's Digest

“Rudy Can’t Fail…takes us on an EXTRAORDINARY adventure through a damaged but MAGICAL world and reminds us of the fragility and wonder of our economic system!” — Simon Oliver, Actor, Director, Political Activist

“Rudy moves with such VERVE and insight that even skeptical readers will find it hard to put down!” — The Norton Chronicle

“ASTOUNDING! Rudy Can't Fail possesses a grand and generous heart!”— Boston Beat

Exposes the soul of America like an iron chef peeling off layers of an onion...finally leaving you with nothing but a BURNING sensation in your watering eyes!
— Alex Fox, Bun Appetit Review

Your feelings? To HELL with your feelings! You don't have the right to sit on the sidelines! BUY this book now and get back in the game! — Dr. Phil McGraw

“Love cats? Love dogs? Love HAPPY HORSES? Then you better get this book now!”
— Pearly Q., How I Love Everything!

A wickedly FUNNY exploration of guilt, love, and the very thin line that seperates sanity from insanity...Dipper's characters are often mad, bad, or dangerous and all the more DELICIOUS for it! — Phillip D. Gutt, BBQ Man's Digest

“I don’t do jacket blurbs, but I haven’t seen a book in years I’d rather write one for than Rudy Can’t Fail!  I mean it, this book is an American DELIGHT!” — Andy P. Rooney

“This SPLENDID acknowledgement of a natural MARVEL deserves to be celebrated in the great halls of our nation!”
Portsmouth Herald

“The WITTY, ironic, elegantly crafted story of a great man during a PIVOTAL time our history! BRAVO!”
Houston Sentinel

“One of the year’s most ABSORBING and thoughtful books in any category!  Dipper writes persuasively how Rudy literally came out of a teepee to shape our lives!”
— Minnie Drew, Houses & Gardens




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